I have been labeled a slut in some degree at least since middle school. Maybe elementary school. Since my parents always used proper anatomical terms, some of my friends' mothers would freak out when they heard me say "penis" instead of "pee-pee" or whatever they called it with their kids.
In middle school it hit hard. There were rumors about me masturbating. Girls told people that they had heard me moaning in a bathroom stall before I came out, flushed and grinning. My friend Maddy called to tell me that people were staying that, and although she ended up being a troublemaker in my life, she was very sweet to me that day. I cried so much. I was mortified. I wished I could say it wasn't true--masturbating in the bathroom wasn't true, but I'd been very familiar with my body from day one. I'd been menstruating since I was 10 and had breasts even before that. I had been masturbating for as long as I could remember.
In eighth grade I thought I might be a lesbian. I told some of my friends. I don't know if a rumor got around or what, but just the thought of it humiliated me too.
In high school it got worse. I was a serial monogamist, and people would spread rumors about me doing kinky things with my boyfriends. It usually wasn't true, although it sometimes was. For example, I gave my boyfriend Bill a handjob on the band bus through his pants. He had his marching band hat over his crotch so people couldn't really see. I knew tons of "sexually active band geeks" who were doing the same thing, but I was the scapegoat. A teacher at my high school even called my mother to tell her about my behavior--I don't know what she could have seen, as I never even interacted with this teacher. I got into huge trouble. My mom called my boyfriend's mom, and he and I were both extremely embarrassed. We were the slutty couple. Everyone thought I was sexually experienced, even though I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18 and in college.
Even at college, I know I'm not immune. I'm a proud feminist and I stay involved in sexual education groups on my campus (my latest accomplishment is bringing
Dan Savage to DePauw! Woo!). Though I study most nights, I do party. Sometimes I kiss a girl here or there. Regular, early 20's messing around. I'm nothing unusual, though I'm fashion-forward, outspoken and honest. I have slept with a total of four men, and I've only been sleeping with one for the past 15 months. Still, the now-defunct JuicyCampus.com listed me as an ugly, easy party girl. Reading that comment was one of the more traumatic points of college for me thus far. I cried all afternoon and much of the next morning. My college is smaller than my high school was, and my efforts to reinvent myself had failed--I was popular, I had boys and girls, but I was still a slut.
I just finished reading Leora Tanenbaum's
Slut!: Growing Up Female With A Bad Reputation.
My heart broke for all the women who had been in my position: rape victims, new girls, early developers, and the sexually conscious. I grew furious at how backwards the double standard has made women's thinking: sexually active girls avoid using birth control for fear of looking like a slut, though getting pregnant or having an STI will make them look just as bad if not worse. We live in a society where women "ask" to be treated unfairly, and it is bullshit and I urge each of you to really think about the next time you call a woman a slut. Please read the book I mentioned above.
Have a happy 2010! Don't you love how the zeros are switched around?
